I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
