my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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