He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
