i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
