There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
