I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
