and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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