Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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