if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
