Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize