im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
