i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
