I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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