we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
50% drunk capacity currently
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
