Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
