I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
