My sheets look like a crime scene.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
