there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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