Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
