This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
