We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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