one two three fourrrrnication!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
