he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
