This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
