And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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