I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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