Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry my hands just texted you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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