I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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