dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
