He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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