Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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