i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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