i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
