I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
