I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
