I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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