You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
