Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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