Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
