That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
