I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize