I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
