You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize