rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
