My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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