we're blogging at a bar
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
