Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
