Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
