oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
