When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
