Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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