he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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