Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
