a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
