If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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