Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
