worst night to have a conscience
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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