there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
