So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
