She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
