so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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