College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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