My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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