Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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