Too much gin, very little bucket
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
