I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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