I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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