Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
