He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
