so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
