You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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