I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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