Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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